Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Update (With Included Word Count) - 14 November 2017

In regards to writing:

It's been a while since I've been posting here regularly. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. Anyway, I think I've come to a relatively stable point in my (not really enjoyable) management of my depression where I can finally start writing on this blog more (or less) regularly. It was a real bummer not to be able to write practically anything for a while, and my previous post for that new story idea pretty much came from a lot of frustration of that inability to write.

Some time not too long ago, Shaundee suggested that I try writing by hand. While I've already done this quite a lot in the past (I literally carry three notebooks solely for writing everything down), it's been a while since I've actually written. What I mean is, it's been a while since I've written a story out by hand first and then retyping it out on a computer for later. For years, my "first drafts" were always saved on some word document somewhere, and the notebooks I carry with me everywhere are just ancillary. It feels a bit archaic, since the last time I've ever handwritten a first draft was when I was in elementary school. The words come slow and messy, and I can't just reword and rewrite the same sentence ad infinitum without wasting space on a page that'd be best used for the rest of my thoughts and ideas; but it's a good kind of slow, and a more meaningful kind of mess in this form. And in this day and age where pretty much any digital data you have can have a risk of a privacy breach, it feels more private and personal.

It's addictive, in a lovely and somewhat disturbing way.

It's helped me a lot in trying to get out of that slump of disappointment of not being able to write anything. The change in medium certainly helped to get the gears running again in my mind, though they aren't quite to the speed and efficiency they were a few months ago. The only downside is that, while I've written quite a bit since my last post on this blog, I don't have a word count for anything unless I have them typed up. Only about 20% of everything I've written has ever been saved on a digital file.

I do, however, have a word count of the previous week.

Word count: 4032 words


In regards to reading:

My friend lent me Eragon by Christopher Paolini to have a general idea of how modern fantasy for teens is written. This particular book because I, firstly, do not own a book that fulfills those requirements on all areas (fantasy, yes; younger-audience focused, yes; modern, yes; all the above, heck no). Second, it's the only book my friend has that fits that requirement. So I'm reading that, though considering my focus for pretty much anything has been compromised by an extreme lack of motivation, it's slow going. I've borrowed the book in the very beginning of the month. I've only finished the prologue.

Hoooo, boy.


In regards to my hobbies and other similar things:

As per the suggestion by the psychologist I'm seeing, my hobby of playing the piano is an effective way to help ward off the depression, so I've been doing that. I've been learning Chopin's Nocturne in B-flat Minor for a year, and I decided it was time to try to memorize the piece.

Well... mission accomplished, I guess. I may or may not get a recording of myself performing it at some point and put it up here. In the meantime, I'm not really up to learning new pieces, so I'm just trying to commit to memory the ones that I've got relatively mastered with the sheet music in front of me. Maybe one day I'll have memorized an hour of music to just perform out of nowhere if I end up at a party or a public place and just entertain from memory for a bit. So far, I only remember about fifteen minutes.

A pretty dismal amount, if you consider that I've been playing the piano since I was eight. Oh well, better late then never, eh?

I'm still doing recordings and streams for the online community I'm a part of in Guild Wars 2. I'm surprised they haven't made me stop doing that yet since my computer is terrible for that kind of stuff, hahaha.

My brother recently got me into playing Elder Scrolls Online with him, and I'm only ever on when he's on because I have no idea what I'm doing on that game and he seems to know stuff so I just follow him around. Despite my brother and I literally being five feet from one another, we communicate through the game instead of verbally out loud to one another.

Why I do this, I have no idea.

To summarize how my experiences go with that game so far and why I wonder how my brother is able to put up with me...

Me: Hey, guess what :P
Brother: What?
Me: I've got another bounty on my head :D
Brother: When do you NOT have a bounty?
Me: When I don't get caught pickpocketing from those people with the plague >.<
Brother: But you always get caught, lol
Me: Shhhhhhhh, they keep threatening to call the guards, but the guards ain't got me yet. I be sneaky
Brother: lol
Me: CRAP
Me: THEY FOUND ME
Me: ABORT ABORT ABORT
Brother: Just pay the bounty, they'll leave you alone
Me: Umm... they want to kill me on sight?
Brother: WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME!?
Me: I, ahem... uh...
Me: Hide me or something? plz?
Brother: What did you do?
Me: I may have accidentally on purpose almost very much stabbed one of the plagued NPCs and then he got up and started punching me and so I killed him and then everyone else in the room in self defense and now my bounty is ten thousand gold
Me: Haaaaalp everyone wants me dead D:
Brother: Just stop killing the npc's and go to a fence in a big city and pay off your bounty
Me: I know thaaaaaaat. Just uh...
Me: can you spare me 10k gold? LOLOLOLOLOL
Brother: omg no
Me: b-but everyone wants to kill me now
Me: D:
Me: DDDDD:
Me: BIG SADFACE
Brother: I don't know you

So, pretty much the gist is that I get myself into trouble, my brother tells me how to get out of trouble, and then I dig myself into a deeper hole (both on accident and on purpose because of curiosity) and we both laugh about it later.


In regards to life in general:

I'm still having my ups and downs, as does everyone. I'm trying different things to prepare for or deal with my downs in a way that's more productive and healthier. While I've been trying to do this before my little... erm... "breakdown" a few months back, letting others that I trust to be more aware of what's going on and giving me advice is a change that I'm noticing is going for the better.

While I'm not a 10/10 in my general mood (10 being my normal self again), I'm certainly not a 0/10 as I was not too long ago. Man, that night was not a good night. Thankfully, nothing absolutely terrible happened that night.

At the moment that I'm writing this, I'm about a 6/10 or 7/10. A passing grade, kinda.

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